Saturday Snark

Saturday Snark is the creation of Marie Sexton, a gay erotica author who has shared her gift for subtle sarcasm with her creations. Each Saturday, she invites writers to join her on a snarky blog hop. If you have a snarky character and would like to participate, it’s simple:

1. Post a snarky sample on your blog.
2. Provide a link back to Marie’s site.
3. Enter your link into the blog hop on Marie’s site.
4. Check back often to read new snark posts.


This week’s Snark is from Circle of the Butterfly. As a teen, Shannen Marsi (a thief and a liar) made a deal with the Oracle of Kelmarin…her service in exchange for a stay of execution. After her daughter died, she spent six months drunk and earned herself a series of demotions. The most recent removed her from service entirely and triggered the reinstatement of her thirty year old death sentence. In this scene, she is sitting in a prison cell, and the kingdom’s future queen has come to pay her a visit.

Vanessa laughed in disgusted disbelief, “You think that slut Miante could rule the Kelmarin and I couldn’t?”

“Miante was a devoted student of Eric Griffin. And when it comes down to who’s a slut and who’s not…you have your prince and you’re messing around with Lord Leantry.”

The princess threw her hand across the older woman’s face. “And you’ll take that to the guillotine with you.”

“That’s not all I take to the guillotine.”

“Tell me!”

“Sarana permitted the king’s affair with your mother, was complicit even, but she has no right in the law to do so,” Shannen told her. “The passage lords forgave the affair on the condition that if Briar ever returned home, the arrangement would be honored. Thus…Sarana lying about Mia being his cousin, so she wouldn’t be in the way, and then you had to ruin that. Eric was going to amend the law to remove adultery from the criminal statutes…that would have pardoned Fayal, and thus freed Briar…but he died before he could sign. And I know…know…little princess, that your boyfriend was somehow involved with everything.”

“The king’s heart failed him,” Vanessa reminded her, and Shannen was inclined to think that the younger woman believed that.

“The thing I don’t understand is why Cannen would want you to marry another man.” Shannen whispered wearily.

“You’ve never been quick at politics,” Vanessa said. Shannen agreed. “I was going to offer you a deal. Public apology in return for reinstatement, but I’ve changed my mind.”

Shannen laughed. “I wouldn’t kiss your ass if it looked like Charles.”

“So be it,” Vanessa told her. “Roast in Hell.”

“Save me a place beside you on the boat and I’ll bring the sauce,” Shannen said brightly. Vanessa threw open the door and stormed out.


If you enjoyed today’s snark and would like to read more (and aren’t easily offended)…click here or use the bloghop links below.

Saturday Snark

Saturday Snark is the creation of Marie Sexton, a gay erotica author who has shared her gift for subtle sarcasm with her creations. Each Saturday, she invites writers to join her on a snarky blog hop. If you have a snarky character and would like to participate, it’s simple:

1. Post a snarky sample on your blog.
2. Provide a link back to Marie’s site.
3. Enter your link into the blog hop on Marie’s site.
4. Check back often to read new snark posts.


Jiadé’s family and friends believed for two years that she was dead. She’s just returned, without an explanation for her absence, but it’s clear that she has an agenda. Top on her list is paying a visit to The Sand King, an old adversary, and when she arrives in Emoraan, she finds that the desert tribe has occupied the city. It is a violation of their truce. However, when she crashes a party, she learns that the man she thought she’d be confronting is dead; his son now leads the tribe as aukiera. She considers that a plus.

“What is the meaning of this…outrage?” Nataju asked with all the hatred that Jiadé had ever heard in her life funneled into that one word. She was impressed.

“I intend no disrespect, aukiera. Simply, you have your god to please and I have mine.”

He stared her down for a moment. “Reveal yourself.”

Jiadé pulled her left sleeve to her elbows and showed him the row of scars on her forearm. “I am she who tamed your father. I’ve come to collect his debt.”

He closed some of the distance between them, but remained out of her reach. “Our debt to the Xarit hakis is paid.”

“I said his debt. I said nothing of his debt to me.”

“I will not discuss details with a ghost.”

She pulled the ties to her veil cloak and in one swift motion, she cast it to the floor. Beneath, she wore nearly nothing, and it drew gasps of disapproval and shock.

“You owe Nirati a debt of gratitude,” Jiadé told him gently.

“I rescued them from the monsters that came from across the sea!” Nataju spat.

“You occupy their city.”

“My army secures their borders.”

“You keep them as servants.”

“They live their lives as before.”

“That was not part of the agreement, aukiera,” Jiadé said. “You…are not…their king!”

“It’s a compromise,” Nataju argued.

“Speaking of which…I need your help.”

“I see no obligation.”

Jiadé could see that he was trying to appear strong, trying not to cave with an audience. “I haven’t even told you what I want.” She gave him a flirty grin. “That’s unlike you.”


If you enjoyed today’s snark and would like to read more (and aren’t easily offended)…click here or use the bloghop links below.

Saturday Snark

Saturday Snark is the creation of Marie Sexton, a gay erotica author who has shared her gift for subtle sarcasm with her creations. Each Saturday, she invites writers to join her on a snarky blog hop. If you have a snarky character and would like to participate, it’s simple:

1. Post a snarky sample on your blog.
2. Provide a link back to Marie’s site.
3. Enter your link into the blog hop on Marie’s site.
4. Check back often to read new snark posts.


Today’s Snark is from January Black. The night before, Iris and Matty attended the king’s party, where they played chess. Dancing later didn’t agree with the cute but impractical shoes Iris was wearing. The next day, Iris takes Matty on a train ride.

“I really didn’t think you’d be up for walking even this far today.”

“Josh gave me his mom’s signature pedicure when I got home.”  She kicked off her slipper and put her foot on his knees, showing off her glistening pink toenails adorned with flowing silver lines.  “Super-secret relax-on-contact massage oil and thirty-minute rub.”

“Josh, huh?”  His question conveyed more annoyance than he had planned.  He caught himself short of apologizing, because, on second thought, it did bother him.

Her eyebrows shot up.  “Is that jealousy?”

“Intimidation,” he said.  She stared at him like he had called her a nasty name.  “What?”

Iris laughed heartily, “Josh?  Matty, he’s a lamb!”

“A rabid lamb.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed, shaking her head in mild annoyance at him.  “Ok, he can be overprotective.  You have to understand that he’s the only man in the lives of his mother, three sisters, and Julia.  If it makes you feel better, he’s been in love with her since they were three.”

“And her?”  He caressed the bottom of her foot with his finger.  She kicked reflexively.

Glaring a silent warning to stop, which he ignored, she answered, “Pretends she hasn’t a clue.  Seriously, stop.”  He held her foot in both hands but stopped annoying her.  She relaxed back into her bench, and he was content to simply touch her.

“Why would she play with him that way?”

She smiled mischievously.  “Chess.”

He studied her with suspicion.  “Have you been playing games with me?”

“No.”  She shook her head against the bench, holding his gaze with her beautiful blue eyes.  “As it happens, I’m bad at all manners of games.”

He let the matter drop and joked, “A foot massage sounds nice.”

She didn’t miss a beat.  “I’ll ask him.”


If you enjoyed today’s snark and would like to read more (and aren’t easily offended)…click here or use the bloghop links below.

Saturday Snark

Saturday Snark is the creation of Marie Sexton, a gay erotica author who has shared her gift for subtle sarcasm with her creations. Each Saturday, she invites writers to join her on a snarky blog hop. If you have a snarky character and would like to participate, it’s simple:

1. Post a snarky sample on your blog.
2. Provide a link back to Marie’s site.
3. Enter your link into the blog hop on Marie’s site.
4. Check back often to read new snark posts.


Shane seriously doubted it had merely been once or twice. After a few minutes of playfully tapping swords with him, she was still collected. Her hair was still a pinned arrangement of curls. Not a glistening of sweat anywhere. She still held herself gracefully and in good form. Her back was straight, her sword arm slightly bent and held just below shoulder level. Her other hand held the hems of her skirts off the floor and she seemed entirely relaxed. He wasn’t kidding when he said once or twice. She clearly was.

The grace he had expected. Lady Griffin carried herself like a dancer. But it became obvious that she had fencing training, from a master, and she that practiced. He wasn’t surprised at all that her arm grew tired within a few minutes.

What he hadn’t expected was for her to switch hands.

The woman used his moment of confusion to rip his blade right out of his hand and caught him at the base of his neck just enough to scratch. “You’re not even warmed up yet, are you?” he asked her.

“That is the extent of what I can do…” she put the sword’s tip on the tile, then used the weapon as leverage as she lowered herself in a grand curtsy. She bowed her head just slightly, keeping eye contact, “…in this dress.”

Shane felt himself almost choke as the gesture gave him an advantageous glance down her dress. “You’re full of surprises, my lady.” Her lip curled just a bit as his voice broke.

Having disappointed her once before with a pathetic attempt at sexist intimidation, he knew that looking down her dress only amused her. She had bested him with wit, and now with a sword, two weapons that were generally, and foolishly, attributed to men before women. The best he could do to match her was stare at her breasts.

But they’re such lovely….

“And you’re everything I had expected, Lord Marsi.”

If you enjoyed today’s snark and would like to read more (and aren’t easily offended)…click here or use the bloghop links below.

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Saturday Snark

Saturday Snark is the creation of Marie Sexton, a gay erotica author who has shared her gift for subtle sarcasm with her creations. Each Saturday, she invites writers to join her on a snarky blog hop. If you have a snarky character and would like to participate, it’s simple:

1. Post a snarky sample on your blog.
2. Provide a link back to Marie’s site.
3. Enter your link into the blog hop on Marie’s site.
4. Check back often to read new snark posts.


This week’s Saturday Snark episode comes from “Inward,” a contemporary novel about a Mormon woman struggling with her faith. In this scene, Marie’s friend Sam has just returned from his two-year mission in New Zealand. In high school, they used to help each other train for diving meets. Poolside again, they are playing a game of Twister. A member of the high school team is calling out the hardest dives in the coach’s book to see who can throw each one better.

Josh called out, “5112.”

“Forward, 1 twist. Your choice of straight or pike,” Marie translated as Sam adjusted the tension on the board two meters above her head.

The swim team was now sitting on the opposite side of the pool with their coach standing behind them, an amused grin on his face. Three steps into Sam’s approach, Marie yelled up at him, “Straight’s harder,” he stumbled and grabbed onto the rails to regain his balance, “…in case you were wondering.” He scowled down at her, turned around, and restarted his dive.

If you enjoyed today’s snark and would like to read more (and aren’t easily offended)…click here or use the bloghop links below.

Saturday Snark

Saturday Snark is the creation of Marie Sexton, a gay erotica author who has shared her gift for subtle sarcasm with her creations. Each Saturday, she invites writers to join her on a snarky blog hop. If you have a snarky character and would like to participate, it’s simple:

1. Post a snarky sample on your blog.
2. Provide a link back to Marie’s site.
3. Enter your link into the blog hop on Marie’s site.
4. Check back often to read new snark posts.

Marie is recuperating from surgery, so I’m hoping for a great turnout to lift her spirits.

Onto the Snark!

This scene is from Circle of the Butterfly.  After Kelmarin falls under siege, Prince Briar is broken out of jail by a wanted former knight and her estranged family. The abandoned town where they have taken refuge is about to flood, and the prince has been tasked with finding a pair of teenage boys who are unaware of the danger.

Briar questioned Shannen’s motivation for sending him. He had proven time and again that he was a bumbling idiot, and it was obvious that the boys had no respect for him. Pippy and Splints ignored him completely and kept walking as if they had nowhere to be. To be fair, they didn’t.

“We’ve got to go inside, boys!”

“We ain’t gotta do shit you tells us, your highness!” Splints yelled back over the rain.

“Yeah,” Pippy yelled back in support of his older brother. “What are we going to do at Shannen’s anyway?”

Briar ran and caught up with them. “Well, it isn’t up to me, you little shitheads. Siilan says….”

“Shitheads?” Pippy asked suddenly stopping in his tracks.

“Did you just call us shitheads?” Splints turned around and crossed his arms.

“Actually, I called you little shitheads,” Briar retorted.

Splints sneered, “Smart ass royal.” He turned around and kept walking down the main thoroughfare.

“Disrespect me all you want…”

“Oh, we will,” Splints yelled back.

“Where in the hell do you have to go?” Briar demanded. “It’s a fucking ghost town.”

“His highness knows the F-word,” Pippy pointed out.

“I didn’t think etiquette coaches taught the F-word,” Splints said in sarcastic surprise.

“My mom would love you two,” Briar muttered.

If you enjoyed today’s snark and would like to read more (and aren’t easily offended)…click here or use the bloghop links below.

Saturday Snark

It’s Saturday!  That means it’s Snark time! (I love Marie Sexton for this.)

Backstory: Siilan and Mitero are knights embedded with a Robin-Hooding crime family in their kingdom’s capital city.  Pippy is the boss’s 12-year-old son. A crucial part of the knights’ assignment is to blend in.  While his sociable gay friend was carousing at a party, 30-something virgin Siilan drowned his annoyance at his friend’s promiscuity in a bottle of wine. The next day, with Mitero nowhere to be found, he dragged his sorry hungover carcass to a meeting with the palace official he answers to. At the beginning of this excerpt, Pippy knows Siilan’s condition and welcomes him home by screaming at the top of his lungs.

Pippy sprinted down to the end of the hallway, threw open the door to the closet, and ducked inside.  Siilan fell against the door as it slammed shut, turned and slid down to the floor. He yelled at the boy through the door, “I’m going to make you wish you were never born!”

The door Siilan’s right opened slowly. He looked up and saw Mitero, washed and dressed, looking ready to go out. “Cut him some slack, Siil.”

He stood up by pushing his weight up against the door and walking backwards. When he reached his feet, he grabbed his well-groomed friend by the collar and pulled him to his face.  “Where have you been?” he hissed.

Mitero pushed him away.  “Your hangover…your problem.” Siilan glared at him, but just walked away. “Why don’t you find a nice girl and pay her before you lose your mind.”

“What would you know about that, Mitzy?” he called back.  “The only person who ever understood me was Jiadé and she’s fucking dead! And you know what really, really sucks about that? Huh?”

“Other than the fact that she’s dead?” Mitero asked, clearly at a loss.  Siilan spun around to find the man right behind him.

“The Virgin Knight had sex before me!” he spat. “The Virgin Knight!”

“With Anyakar,” Mitero reminded him, clearly disgusted.

If would like more Snark (and aren’t easily offended)…click here or use the bloghop links below.

Saturday Snark

So, about a year ago, I was working on a short story and had an idea to borrow Cole Fenton as a sassy gay friend for my haunted schoolteacher, Kim. If you have read any of Marie Sexton’s “Coda” series, Cole needs no introduction. For the rest of you, I highly recommend “Strawberries for Dessert“…if you can stand a little man-on-man action. (Seriously, it’s one of my favorite novels EVER.)  Marie liked the scene enough to fix the parts that weren’t Cole enough and get permission from Dreamspinner to let me try to publish it. Samhain Horror turned it down for unspecified reasons.

I love this conversation too much to let it languish on my hard-drive, and it’s Cole…by virtue of his presence, it’s mostly snarky.

When the clock finally read 7:30 pm, making it 9:30 in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, Kim took one last long look at her phone’s address book. She put down her wine glass and tapped the link for Father Chuckie. The man who answered on the third ring spoke so sweetly it made her teeth hurt.
“Hello Lovey!”
Kim pulled the phone away from her ear. She expected to see a picture of her white-collared brother-in-law, so the man flirting at her from behind sharply cut locks of cinnamon brown hair startled her. Cole Fenton, the caller id told her, complete with his digits.
As she returned the phone to her ear, distracted by wonder at how she called him instead of Chuckie, she asked uncertainly, “Cole?”
“Who else, darling?” he asked. “How are the little Whos down in Whoville?”
“Worland,” she corrected him.
“I know, dear,” Cole replied bemused. “But I doubt you called to give me a geography lesson.”
The answer to the mystery wading through her wine-addled brain finally settled into place. She wished she hadn’t picked up the phone. “No, I….” She explained apologetically, “My contacts…I was calling Father Chuckie….” Did she really just admit to Cole Fenton that she called him by mistake?
“Oh sweetie! I haven’t heard from you in ages, and now you’re telling me I’m nothing more than a wrong number? I’m a little bit offended…” Kim heard mumbling on the call, but all she caught was Johnny, darling, before he continued his previous thought, “…and terribly intrigued.”
“I’m so sorry,” Kim said, deeply annoyed at herself. “I’m sure I’m interrupting….”
“Nonsense,” Cole said brightly. She heard a door shut softly. “I never let my phone interrupt me, darling.”
Kim paused, trying to collect her thoughts through the tangle of emotions and haze of alcohol. His voice took her back fifteen years, to Colorado State, and one particularly bad day when the man she had been dating for six months gave her a list of excuses and tried to assure her that it was him and not her. At the very least, he was finally honest about not being a one-woman guy, but it hadn’t made the break-up any easier.
After a few days of moping around like a zombie, a classmate from her poetry class knocked on her door and said, We have three days and I have four words for you, Kimmy dear, powder, wine, day spa.
“I can’t…”
Sure you can.
“I have homework…”
[Scoff]…Virgin ears!
“I need clothes…”
Neiman Marcus.
“I don’t feel like skiing…”
You’re precious, darling. Now get in the car.
That was Cole Fenton in a nutshell. Charming, demanding, gracious, caring, and usually right about people. Hearing his voice erased away years. It put her back on the slopes, cutting powder through the Back Bowls in Vail. It made her want to tell him everything.
“Kimmy?” he asked, prompting her to give him a hint she was still on the line.
“So…Johnny,” she said, stalling. “Gardener? Driver? Bartender?” She took the rest of her wine in a gulp.
“Husband,” Cole said. She spit out the wine across the table, “accountant.”
“Yours?” she coughed.
“Dear lord, love! Do you need an ambulance?”
“You’re married?” Kim croaked, “To your accountant?”
“It’s not as cliché as it sounds, darling,” Cole said, sounding delighted at her shock. “He was my lover and then my…
“When?!” Kim exclaimed in shock. Cole’s married? COLE?
“Last year,” he replied. “It really has been too long, love. I think Chuckie might say something dreadfully close to ‘God’s telling you something’.”
“Well, mazel tov,” Kim laughed aloud. “Jon’s a lucky man.”
“He is, isn’t he, and thank you for saying so.” Then Cole tossed mantle of voracious gossip around him like a feather boa. “Now…I think you owe me for that regrettable slight. I simply must know why you’re drunk-dialing a priest?”
Kim snickered sadly at his question as she poured another glass. She hadn’t wanted to talk to Chuckie; she needed to talk to someone and Chuckie could be trusted not to say anything to Henry or anyone else. But, it was Cole’s comfort that she had been craving since Henry left.
“I got served,” she told him heavily, breathing in the fragrance of the South African red. She could almost feel the cozy surroundings of Cole’s Vail condo around her.
“That certainly explains the intoxication,” he said. “Tell me what you’re drinking, love. I’m sure I have it and I know that you don’t like to drink alone.”
Kim opened her eyes, disappointed to find herself alone at a laminated MDF table probably made in the 1960’s. She picked up the wine glass and watched the dark liquid swirl.
Cole gave her this bottle at her wedding in Bermuda and told her she would know what it was for when the time came. She supposed subconsciously she knew what was coming when she packed the rest of the bottles a few weeks back and felt compelled to keep this one on hand. She supposed she should have realized what she was seeking when she uncorked the bottle that afternoon.
“Pinot Noir, Galpin Peak, 1990.”
“Oh, Kim,” Cole said softly, the flamboyant affectation entirely gone. “I am sorry.”
 

 

If would like more Snark (and aren’t easily offended)…click here.

Saturday Snark

Wow…I need to start posting more than just snark! I’m hoping to have news on a particular submission soon. I had a dream last night that the editor loved it but declined anyhow. Hoping for better news than that.

Anyhow…Marie Sexton’s Saturday Snark continues, and I haven’t run out of passages yet.

Matty and Iris this time:

Matty stepped across the north entrance of the Bazaar where Main Street blacktop met the patched cobblestone of George Mason Street. Iris caught him looking up at the ancient architecture that sat between Aventine’s towers of glass and steel and commented that the view was beautiful at night.

“When I was a child, my mother told me that this place was dangerous. Later, my father told me that it would not become us to be seen here.”

“They are duly cautious.”

He shook his head. “Convenient excuses.”

“For what?”

“Old books.” He looked at the vendor selling used books just inside the Bazaar and counted three more vendors before the first intersection with bookshelves. “I think they feared if I ever came in here, they’d never get me back out.”

If would like more Snark (and aren’t easily offended)…click here.

Saturday Snark

I missed Saturday Snark last weekend and it made me very sad.

Here’s Matty and Hadrian:

The king passed him in the hallway while staring at his silver netlink. “I see you found my cars.” His heart jumped in his chest and his flesh flushed and chilled at the same time. He spun around. “Yes,” the man said as he turned into his kitchen. “I do.”

“Do what?” Matty walked cautiously to the kitchen.

“Know everything you’ve ever looked up on Fenwing.” The young man looked into the galley and found the king pulling a soft cheese, strawberries, and banana-nut loaf from the fridge. “Sandwich?”

“Don’t eat strawberries.”

“You don’t…?” he asked with mild surprise. As he started to build his sandwich, he asked, “Without them?”

“Meeting Iris…you’ve been tracking my queries?”

“Of course.” Spreading cheese on a slice of bread, he quipped as if Matty misbehaving was part of some grand plan of his. “How else would I keep you from getting arrested?”

If would like more Snark (and aren’t easily offended)…click here.